My uvula is bigger than yours

A week ago the surgeons finally caught up with me and extracted my tonsils. I’ve been incapacitated by tonsillitis twice this year and my doctor believed that my tonsils, due to their huge size (tonsillar hypertrophy), were likely to be obstructing my breathing while I am asleep, resulting in a mild form of sleep apnoea. It had always been amusing seeing the reactions of doctors and others upon seeing the size of my tonsils. Indeed the ENT surgeon who was responsible for the operation was amazed at how large they were. “There’s only one grade worse than those and that’s when they are touching”, he stated on first examination.

I had heard many horror stories about how excruciatingly painful, unpleasant and debilitating adult tonsillectomies were and I certainly wasn’t looking forward to the procedure on the account of these. I must say that, while the first few days after the operation have been painful and uncomfortable, it hasn’t been nearly as bad as I had imagined. Twenty-four hours after the operation I was able to eat vegetables and even slowly plough through a piece of toast. The worst part of the experience for me, and something that I hadn’t prepared myself for, was the incredible amount of swelling that resulted. In particular my uvula (that dangling stalactite at the back of the throat) had swelled to a size comparable to one of the plinths of Stonehenge. Due to the residual numbness and my ignorance I was actually trying to cough it up a few hours afterwards believing it was a blood clot or some other nasty obstruction that needed expulsion. It was particularly frustrating not being able to communicate to the nurses during a coughing fit that I thought I was choking on something that needed removal. It was hard to believe that the diminutive sliver of flesh at the back of my throat could ever grow to a size where it felt like a lump of meat resting on my tongue all the way to my teeth. Fun times!

I’m currently still at home resting; experiencing general anaethesia for the first time has shown me just how much time it takes to recover just from the drugs they give you to knock you out. I truly believe that the relative mildness of my post-operative discomfort is a direct result of the surgical skill of my doctor. If anyone reading ever needs to have a similar procedure performed I would recommend engaging the best surgeon you can find.

So all I can do now is say “So long tonsillitis!”. It has been a scourge and I can certainly do with less of those. I think a week of pain and discomfort will be absolutely worth it.