Nine years ago today my beard got stuck in the side disc drive of a 2011 27-inch Apple iMac. I have been very busy so I asked my aide to write a commemorative narration. Please enjoy, and stay safe out there.

Once upon a time in a cozy little home, nestled in a quiet neighborhood, lived a man named Chris. Chris was a brilliant software engineer and a proud owner of a 2011 iMac, which he cherished dearly. He was known for his impressive beard, a magnificent mane of facial hair that he wore with pride.

One sunny afternoon, as Chris sat at his desk, he decided it was time to connect a USB cable to his beloved iMac. He needed to plug it into one of the USB ports conveniently located on the back of the machine. However, the ports were somewhat obscured by the iMac’s sleek design, making it a bit challenging to access.

Ever the resourceful man, Chris decided to get a closer look by gently angling his head behind the iMac. With his beard cascading down his chest like a waterfall of follicles, he maneuvered his face closer to the side disc drive, hoping for a better view. Unbeknownst to him, disaster was about to strike.

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As Chris leaned in, his glorious beard made contact with the side disc drive, which had a small opening near the bottom. In a matter of seconds, the wiry strands of his facial hair became entangled in the drive’s delicate machinery. Panic set in as Chris realized he was well and truly stuck, his beard caught like a helpless animal in a snare.

 A black and white abstract drawing featuring vague representations of a masculine face with a long beard and a very full head of hair.

He attempted to extricate himself, tugging gently at his beard, but the more he struggled, the more entangled it became. The situation quickly escalated from a mere inconvenience to a full-blown predicament. Chris felt a mix of frustration, embarrassment, and a twinge of fear. How could he explain this mishap to anyone? Who would understand the absurdity of getting his beard stuck in his iMac?

Summoning his courage, Chris decided to take action. He carefully examined the situation, trying to find a solution. It soon became apparent that brute force would only worsen the situation. He needed a more delicate touch.

With steady hands and a calm mind, Chris took hold of a small pair of scissors he kept nearby for various grooming needs. Carefully, he began snipping away at the strands of his beard that were tightly caught in the disc drive. Inch by inch, he freed himself from his hairy entanglement, grateful that the situation hadn’t escalated further or caused any harm.

With each snip, Chris felt a mixture of relief and a newfound appreciation for the fragility of his predicament. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he managed to free himself from the clutches of the disc drive.

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Taking a moment to collect himself, Chris inspected his beard, now bearing the scars of his unexpected encounter. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. Though his beard had suffered a minor setback, his sense of humor remained intact.

Determined to learn from his misadventure, Chris realized the importance of considering the potential risks before taking action. From that day forward, he made it a point to approach every task, no matter how trivial, with caution and awareness.

With a newfound wisdom and a slightly shorter beard, Chris successfully plugged in the USB cable into his iMac’s port. The familiar sound of a connected device filled the room, bringing a sense of accomplishment and relief. Chris couldn’t help but marvel at the marvels of modern technology, even if it had momentarily ensnared him.

A surreal colour image featuring many mishapen hands, a side on view of a beard, and distorted images of computer monitors on a desk. Many of the picture elements invoke nintendo character vibes, in particular Wario.


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